July Pain
by Obsessed Fanboy
Summary: England has been suffering from flashbacks about losing his little brother, every July since it happened. America has a crush on England and hates how the fireworks sound like gunshots, reminding him of that awful time. Will an invitation to Alfred's birthday party knock down Arthur's so carefully built wall? Rated M for Smut in later chapters..
1. Come Party!

It's July 1st, and I'm miserable. I've been trying to calm myself for a month now, knowing all I'm about to be reminded of. I know it's been years, but It still hurts so badly, I know everyone left me, starting with him….

*phone rings*

I slide my thumb across the screen with the green, knowing the idiot would show up here with worry if I didn't answer. I answer in a polite tone, "Hello Alfred." He answers me enthusiastically as always, "Yo, Iggy dude? How've you been, look I want to invite you to come to my birthday party, on the 4th. I already have your tickets in the mail and I just need you to say yes." I gulp, knowing I have to say yes or he'll figure somethings up, also thinking about how bad it would be if I had one of my attacks in front of him, when they're because of him. Why do I never feel this upset about Matthew leaving me?- I suck in a breath, "Yes, sure I have to call you back."

Before he can stop me, I hang up dialing my other son/little brother's number, after two rings he picks up, "Allo? Arthur?" I sigh, "Hello Matt, how are you, Happy Birthday!" He has an audible smile, "I'm doing well, thank you, and thank you for remembering!" He says a bit I can't hear about how grateful he is that I remembered his birthday. I say, "It's no trouble you were basically my son or little brother, I just, I almost forgot…. Not because of you of course! I- I mean, what happened with Alfred is on my mind." He hears his brother deflate a little, "I understand, is it the attacks again?"

I breathe in a sharp, quick breath, immediately letting the Canadian know he'd guessed correctly. He tells me, "Arthur, you should just tell him what's happening." I sigh, "I can't, if I did he would freak out and cancel his birthday party he just invited me to." I hear a puzzled hum, "Mmm?" I ask, "What, he invited me on the phone, said he was sending plane tickets.." While I'm confused the Canadian says, "Well, I have to go, birthday to celebrate and all. Bye, Arthur!" I pull the phone back and look at it confused, but before I can think about it my vision grows dark… I'm back on the field, my red coat shining up into my eyes, the sky is dark, cloudy. I look up and see the Patriot troops coming toward me, I start to tear up, 'Please not this battle, this one was the worst…' But before I see Alfred, I'm pulled back into consciousness.

I open my eyes to see two sets of familiar, but worried blue eyes. One set Carolina blue and the other, a bit less clear with the slightest tint of purple. I start to hear them asking, "Angleterre? Are you okay?" and, "Iggy, dude, wake up! What's wrong?" I groan, the two people I want to see me least like this. They calm a bit at my noise, I start, "Alfred, Francis, get off me, I'm fine." I can breathe a bit easier, feeling them back off. I feel two different hands helping me up, but when my legs almost buckle, I'm scooped up into strong arms like a ragdoll.

I sigh, "Sorry, just put me on the sofa." I'm laid down surprisingly gently, considering the two have a long running problem with me, and when I open my eyes, I see it was Alfred being so gentle while France stands back watching with slight curiosity. When they see my eyes they move a bit closer, "Are you okay, Artie?" I'm so drained from the flashback, I don't even bother to say anything about his stupid nicknames for me. I sound only a bit tired when I answer, "I'm fine, Alfred, just a bit drained now." His eyebrows furrow, "Artie, what happened?" I pale a little, "Nothing, nothing you need to worry about, Francis stop looking at me like that, I'm fine."

The Frenchman bows his head, "If you say so I'll respect you, but you can't be upset about us worrying about you." I sigh, "This happens to me every once in awhile, I'll be perfectly fine." Their eyes widen, "This is normal?" I nod, "For about 200 years now, I'll have spells like this, it's nothing too bad just leaves me drained." They both sit down close to me, France pulling me into a hug, America getting a strange look on his face. "Angleterre, you should have told us. Well I kind of get you not telling Amerique, sounds like it was a few years into his 'freedom'." I try not to let my eyes widen, but I say anyway, "It's not important, that's why I didn't bother you two, actually, Matthew has always helped me cope with them, so I wasn't alone."

Their jaws are hung open, America starts to stutter, "Ma- Matt, knew? And he didn't tell me, us?" I turn in Francis' arms, quite enjoying the closeness of the two, knowing if they weren't here I would be dealing with so heavy loneliness. I start, "Before you two get upset with him, I made him promise not to tell anyone, especially you two." I feel France pull me tighter against him, "Why? We just care, is that such a crime. You're my oldest friend Angleterre, I'm worried, it's natural." I look down when I feel a grip on my hand, it's Alfred's, I try to explain gently, "I just didn't want to worry you guys for no reason, I'm used to dealing with them now, can we move on, speaking of which… Alfred why are you here? You said you were sending plane tickets in the mail?"

He blushes slightly… strange, he speaks softer than normal, "Um- my boss, wanted me to come and personally escort you to my home, since we have such a long relationship." I nodded, "Does, he realize how this time could be quite sensitive for us both? I mean not even the Queen tries me during July." Alfred blinks at me, "I didn't know, you were still so sensitive about it, I try not to think about that time." I blush, "Well it wasn't exactly the best point in our friendship, nor the most forgettable." he sighs, "I know, Arthur, I just want to forget that time, it was really hard, for both of us." He pulls me, to him, Francis reluctantly letting me go. I turn to look at both of them, "Why are you both so touchy feely today?" They counter automatically, "Why are you allowing it?" I sigh, "Because if I was alone, I know I'd feel very lonely right now…" They blink, not used to me being so open… to be honest I'm not used to it either, but I'm so drained I can't bring myself to care. I lean my head to Alfred's chest, the rest of my body on Francis, both sets of arms cradling me tightly. I drift off….

It's December 16, 1773, I can feel it, I know it's important but- I'm in Boston, oh no, not again…. I start shaking, I feel warmth, but also panic, the tea being dumped, the people of soon two different nationalities fighting, fades. I wake up. Both France and America start, "Okay, I don't care if this is normal," "I'm not leaving you alone." France starts and America finishes. I lower my head, defeated, I just want to get this month over with, America starts, "Well I was going to stay here for a day, but I've changed my mind, you're coming to my house, now." I nod silently, letting them pull me out to Alfred's private jet (all the countries have one), France starts, "Bye, you two, don't do anything to each other I wouldn't approve of." I blush at his suggestiveness, "As if I'd listen to you, I'll do what I want with whom I want." I blink and so does Francis at the tone and proper grammar coming from Alfred, France clears his throat, "It was a joke, Amerique. Bye now."

I turn to America with a blush, "Why would you say that?" he blushes back explaining, "I don't like people bossing me, and I kinda didn't think about what he was implying." I laughed, "Of course you didn't, you speak before you think. Although I'm 5 years older than you and raised you, I doubt we'll ever snog anyway." America furrows his brows but says nothing, I doubt he forgot my explanation of that word and how it can mean two different, but similar things. I change the subject, "So, who else is coming to this party of yours?" I see his face light up, "Dude, it's going to be awesome, everybody's be there bro! It's gonna be decked, food, drinks, people, music, what else?" I sigh, "It can't come soon enough."

America looks, "Britain dude! Are you okay, you look sad?" I force a smile, "I'm fine, just a bit tired." He grabs my hand, "Are, you okay, does it have anything to do with earlier?" I blush, suddenly, strangely uncomfortable with the closeness between us. I stutter, "I- I'm fine, I told you they aren't a big deal. I've just had a lot on my mind today." He smiles warily, "Yeah, me too. I just hate this part of year at my place." My eyebrows furrow, but I say nothing, he sighs, "I love how the fireworks look, but the noise they make, it reminds of that time." I suck in a breath, "I don't want to talk about this." He nods, gripping my hand tighter.

I turn to him, "America? Are you okay?" his usually bright personality now quite dim, I've never felt as worried about him as I am now. He shifts closer, "Can you just hug me? Like when I was little, in your lap, pure unfiltered affection?" I blush brightly, "Well- I- You aren't- but- You're too old for that now!" His eyes turn pleading, I know he wouldn't ask unless he really needed it, and he's my friend as well as little brother… it's not weird, unless I make it weird. "Fine, once we get the-" I cut myself off, because I look up to see his somewhat familiar home. He takes me up stairs leaving his housekeepers to deal with our luggage.

When he stops and opens the door I realize it's not my room but his, he says, "This is where we'll be staying." I blink, "You mean to tell me in this giant house, I can't use one room?" He blushes, "The other rooms belong to the housekeepers, they live in, all the rooms are sound proof though." I tilt my head with a questioning look, he blushes, "One of the workers brought someone back and no one was happy until they were assured they wouldn't have to deal with that again from any part of the house…." I sit on the bed, he jumps in my lap, I try not to let the slightly uncomfortable friction he caused show on my face.

He smiles up at me, "I missed you dude." I smile, "I missed you too Alfred" My arms cradle his head and his legs, he looks so content. Until I hear a phone ring, he sighs… "My boss, better answer." his voice changes, "Hello… I know…. Plans changed…. Okay… goodbye." I ask him, "Are you okay?" He smiles, "Yeah, he was just wondering what changed." I yawn, "I'm tired…" Alfred laughs, "Dude I haven't seen you this relaxed since…" I smile, "I know, I just don't like being vulnerable. I've been too tired today to care."

Alfred strips his shirt, "Well then get comfortable, I sleep in boxers so, be as free as you'd like." I flush, "You can't sleep next to me in just boxers! That's weird." Alfred smiles, "What's weird dude, we met when I was like 5 and you raised me, it's nothing you haven't seen before." I blush, "Th- That's - I -" but I can't get any words out and Alfred is already in his boxers in bed. He says, "Dude, just stop worrying and get comfortable." I nervously strip, leaving on my boxers, having no pajamas with me. When I settle next to him he smiles, "Now was that so bad?"

I sigh dramatically, "I suppose it didn't kill me." he scoffs at me, I counter, "Not that it's not a pleasure being so near you with so little clothes." I stop, "I -I didn't mean- I don't know where that came from." I see Alfreds blush from here, I sink down into the pillows, lights long off, saying, "Goodnight." As I drift to sleep.


	2. Alfred?

WARNING THIS CHAPTER HAS GRAPHIC BOYXBOY... You've been warned... also weird America...

As I slip into a dream, I realize I'm in a quite familiar place, Alfred's house… I look around and know I'm in his room, I hear a shower going, the thought of him showering is making me blush… Why? He was my colony, it's not like I fancy him. But when he comes out of the bathroom with an embarrassed smile, and no clothes or towel… My face turns beet red, I pull the sheet over my head, "Alfred! Why- clothes- what?" He stutters, "Artie- I was hoping you were still asleep, I forgot my stuff." I sink back into the bed, remembering the beads of water, still on his skin. I reply, "Could you just get dressed?" he laughs asking me, "Why, you uncomfortable Arthur?" I frown at the absence of his usual stupid nicknames.

I move up, "Are you kidding, it's you American's who are so uptight about nudity, I just would prefer not to see my co-workers or the people I raised nude." He sounds a little less self conscious, "I'm not a kid anymore England, I may be your brother though not by blood. You can at least respect me as an adult." I catch my breath, lowering the blanket from my eyes, looking at him. "Alfred, I am more than aware what you are now, I saw your body grow, personality form, what disturbs me is how my mind reacts to you anyway." I see a little blush form on his face, my eyes scanning him, I don't understand where this feeling is coming from.

He stutters almost shyly, "How is your mind reacting?" I motion him closer, he warily moves closer, I run a hand over his side, using my other hand to bring his face into a kiss with mine. He starts responding, his hands in my hair, my right hand still holding his face, the left gripping his hip. He makes a pleasured humming sound, I pull back suddenly, remembering that this is America, I try to start, "I-" I stop, when my looking down causes me to see Alfred's now hardened shaft. When I look up I see lust clouding his Carolina blue eyes, making them a darker Ultramarine.

I stop then, he blushes pulling away, "I'm sorry, let me get dressed." I grab his hips, holding him on the bed. "No, I just- I didn't- Do you need help with that?" I say, glancing down at his 'problem' thinking about the last time I was with someone… It was during my pirating days. He blushes, "Not if you don't want to, I mean it's not like you have to- I mean no- no, I just need-" I cut him off with a kiss, when I pull away he whimpers, "I want to help you, but only if you want my help." I start to move my hand closer to his pulsing length, he gasps, "Artie- ahhh" He stops with a small cry of pleasure, when my gently strokes his tip.

I smile, "Alfred, do you want me to do this?" I feel my prick twitch at his soft sigh, I press him down onto the bed. My hands slowly trailing down his form, I stop at his navel. He pants, "Oh, Iggy help me…" I smirk lightly at the plea, feeling the old dimension of our relationship coming back. My pants (Otherwise known as boxers) feel a bit tight, I start to talk to Alfred, my hot breath hitting him, "Alfred, you've grown, do you remember how I used to show you how to clean this properly?" He gasps as my warm palm wraps around him, he stutters, "I- I remem- mmm" I give the cock a slow pump it drives him crazy, "England, oh god, just let me take care of myself! Jesus!" I try not to show much excitement on my face, I let go, "Okay, but you have to stay here… and I watch you incase you need help."

I relax against the bed as I see his dick twitch, hard. My jaw goes slack as I watch him palm himself, looking me in the eyes as he pumps himself, I see his eyes widen when I feel my pants slide off, his eyes drinking in my form, As I move my hand to grip my own shaft, everything starts to go dull I hear a sound… "-ad..-land…-England!"

I open my eyes to a worried Alfred, I shake my head, "What is it Alfred?" he sighs, "You were moving around a lot in your sleep, and it's about 10, if I remembered you don't like sleeping past then." I sighed, it had been a- a strange dream, "Yes, thank you America, I was dreaming about last football game." I glance down at my not too obvious self, "Do you mind if I have a shower?" he shakes his head, "I was just worried after your episodes yesterday." I shake my head at the gray in the corner of my eyes. I jump up from the bed, "Would you mind putting a kettle on while I shower?" I see the American leave me alone in the room, I quickly strip and get into a cold shower. It helps, I quickly rinse myself of sweat, actually putting soap into my hair as I hadn't been felt up to doing it yesterday.

When I step into Alfred's room with a towel on he looks at me, I turn with a blush and my clothes in hand, back into the bathroom. I slip on the clothing, not realizing beforehand that it was an old pair of punk clothes from my rock phase. I smiled at the denim shorts, sliping them on to find them a bit less tight than they used to be (and therefore easier to breathe in) I find the shirt is a normal tight v-neck. When I come out this time, Alfreds eyes are glued to me as I walk out the door and downstairs…. I wonder, 'What the bloody hell was that dream about… I don't like Alfred! I mean, I raised him from a tyke! But then why did it affect me so, and why has he been staring at me all morning?'

I smile at the blond boy, "Thank you for waking me this morning? Are you feeling any better than yesterday?" I already know he isn't he looks a bit pale, bloodshot eyes… like he hasn't slept. I pull the chair across from me out for him, taking him and directing him to sit down, "So, your birthday is soon, bet you're excited." I make myself dim at my choice of topic, the strange thing is even though he tries to be his cheerful self about it, Alfred really doesn't seem to be feeling it. "Two more days! Oh The party is going to be awesome, ad the best thing is that we don't even have to worry about it, I hired a bunch of my jobless for an extra nice wage to decorate my guest house for the party." I nod, thinking of how kind it was, as we rarely get to help out our poor citizens as countries.

I ask him trying to be supportive, "When will guests arrive?" He furrows his brows, "I think most tomorrow, they'll be staying in the guest house." I frown, "They get their own rooms?" he laughs, "No, they have at least one roommate, I just chose you for mine." I try to keep a straight face, "Why?" he blushes a little before saying, "Well the only people I'd be familiar enough to do this with is you, Matt and Francis…. Considering Matt is literally the door next to mine, and France never knew boundaries I chose you." I nodded, "I might have had to disown you completely if you slept next to the frog." We both shudder at the thought.

I look down, being finished with my food and tea, that Alfred so kindly made for me himself. (I'm quite surprised he remembered how I liked my tea.) I get up and head for the living room, he follows me, quick to stop me from picking a horror movie. He holds up a movie in his hand saying, "I have a movie for us." I quickly read the title "The Woman in Black, that's a british horror movie." He nods smiling nervously, "I knew you liked scary movies, so I got one of yours for us to watch." I put in the movie, sit on the couch and the moment he sees the attic at the beginning he clung to my arm… My vision spots…

It was sometime in 1650, the weather outside was terrible, storming harder than it had in years. I glance down a 6 year old Alfred hanging off my 11 year old arm, though I seem much older. He whimpers, "Iggy, don't let it hurt me." I pull him up and wrap my arms around him fully, "It's okay America, I won't let anything hurt you." we curl up together and fall asleep.


	3. WAKE UP!

I wake up and look down, Alfred and I still on the couch in his living room, I see a maid staring at us and blush. I start to shake Alfred from his spot clinging to my legs, but when I try to push him off his arms just close around me tighter.

"Alfred, wake the hell up!" I say slightly loud for my normal tone.

"Ugh, Iggy go back to sleep!" he mumbles pulling me down, so he now has a hold on my waist. I kick him, shoving my feet at his legs, trying to propel myself off of him. I see the maid that was watching us turn away with a blush, that's it last straw.

"ALFRED FREEDOM JONES, SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU DON'T LET GO OF ME RIGHT NOW!" I shout, and by the time I'm done with his name his eyes are open, by the time I'm done speaking, he's cowered in the corner not wanting to remember my wrath from his childhood.

"I'M SO SO SORRY IGGY! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME" his normally loud voice now a yell.

Now that I'm free from his hold I sigh, "Thank God, your staff was starting to stare."

I see him blush hard, and get up asking him, "Well, are we going to have breakfast?"

He nods slowly, cautiously following me to the kitchen. I'm slightly surprised to find a rather large (for the staff and two countries) but not overwhelmingly large breakfast, including things like rashers, hashbrowns, grits, bacon, sausage, eggs, and (rather surprisingly) blood pudding. I turn to Alfred asking him,

"Is this quite normal? Blood pudding?" I ask knowing most of the other things were either served in his country only or both of our countries.

He puts on his embarrassed smile, "Yeah, Iggy dude my staff knew that you'd be over so they decided to prepare stuff for both of us. I don't actually know if you eat it much so sorry if you don't but they probably wanted you to have the option just in case."

I smiled at him, "Thank you, I don't eat it often, but I do rather enjoy it sometimes." I say, now sitting down with him dishing out food.

As we eat in silence, I'll glance up at him every once in awhile and see him looking at me, 'Strange' I thought to myself, I wonder what he's been thinking about. When I go to take another bite of food I realize it's my last, and enjoy the taste of the buttery grits. Then I look over to Alfred's plate to notice, he's already finished…. Which isn't the weird part, the weird part is, he didn't go back for seconds.

I worriedly ask him, "Are you okay Alfie?" I blush internally a little for accidentally calling him the name I referred to him by as a child.

He notices not showing his blush but stuttering a bit, "W-what do you mean, I-Iggy? I'm perfectly fine."

I drop the subject, not replying to his 'question' and instead get up and walk to his bedroom, moving over into the gaming corner, putting 'Resident Evil 7: Biohazard' into his Xbox One X, already turning it on, getting the controls ready. Alfred walks in asking,

"Why'd you just leave and what are we doing?" I smile at him offering a controller as an answer.

As the credits startup, I find myself studying my ex-colony, whom just so happens to be only a few years (5) younger than I, I can't stop thinking about my dream from the other night. I never held the kid like he asked either, 'Maybe I should stop being so uptight, I used to be more open, I mean, my country is supposed to be less uptight than his.' I think to myself, wondering if I should test it out later.

I don't even realize I'm staring at him since I'm thinking about what that dream could've meant. 'Why did seeing him exposed make me feel such a way? And why does he keep staring at me lately? Does it mean something? Why am I so worried about it?' I look back at the screen just in time to shoot whatever those things are on the game, away from Alfred's character, who was preoccupied,

"Thanks, Artie." He practically glows at the fact I helped him, making me blush with embarrassment.

"You git, didn't I teach you how to defend yourself better than that?" I scold him lightly, internally scolding myself for reverting back to my old self than being more honest like I promised myself I would, I try again, "Of course, I can't have you dying on me though, it was no problem."

I turn to look at him when he pauses the game, I see a slightly pink glow to his face with a cocky smirk, "Artie that's so sweet, you care!" he fake cries at my last comment.

I scoff, "Of course I care idiot, Finland found you alone and brought me to you to take care of you, I raised you, you may no longer be under my care, but that instinct still remains."

I let out a muffled yelp as I get tackled by an over emotional American. Him spooning me into his chest as he's now a bit taller than I am. Instead of struggling like I would normally I instead return the hug, blushing a bit, wondering why it's not the same as hugging little old Matt. I love Matt more than anything, but what I feel for America is a bit different, different from how I used to feel for him.

"Iggy you okay?" Alfred asks somewhat concerned at my not shoving him away.

"Just fulfilling a promise to myself." I answer back then adding a, "I wanted to be more honest with people, I'm sick of being seen as a stuck up old man."

I feel him laughing against me, "I can't speak for everyone, but I don't see you as a stuck up old man." he laughs around but not during the comment.

I blush lightly, "What do you see me as then?" I ask a bit self conscious, but instead of giving an answer he instead starts the game again. 'What's with the look on his face? What's he hiding?' I wonder to myself before the game, pulls me back into its focus.


	4. Uhm- I have to tell you something

I turn the Xbox off, as we both died when Alfred fell over asleep. I gently pick him up and lay him on the bed, but before I can put the rest of the stuff up he pulls me into his arms, sleepily whispering about 'Iggy' and 'Zombies' I sigh, 'I knew I shouldn't have picked such a 'scary' game, he's going to have nightmares for weeks after this.' I slowly relax into his arms, returning the cuddle and falling asleep.

In my dream I don't know what's happening, I just feel warm… Wait is that- Who am I kissing?! My dream eyes fly open and I look at the person who's kissing me, no longer as shyly as when they started and am quite startled to realize it's Alfred. I blush violently but don't pull away, I actually start kissing back earning a pleasure filled groan from the younger nation. 'What am I doing?!' I think/yell at myself, 'Why are you enjoying this so much, he was your colony!? You need to stop this nonsense, whatever's happening isn't mutual.' And that's what gets me, I pull back panting.

"Alfred, why'd you let me?" quite timidly I ask, he responds pulling me closer, "Arthur, I don't know if you feel the same, but I like you a lot, and I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable kissing you, but I couldn't take it anymore." I blush,

"You like me?" he blushes a little this time, "Yeah Iggy."

I pull him back toward me, not knowing if the real life one is the same, so enjoying this happiness while I have it. I push away my thoughts of, 'How much of a perv are you?! YOU raised this CHILD! What would Alfred actually think?' and just enjoy the feeling of me running a hand down his side, he shivers, I feel a pair of lips on my neck, faint but there, I look around and nothing….

*groans in tiredness* *Alfred leans back from my neck* "Good morning sunshine!" He says to me brightly, I frown, "Did you put something on my neck? It feels warm."

Alfred doesn't miss a beat, frowning slightly, "Nope, must have been your dream." I nod, "I don't even remember it." lying, not wanting him to know the truth.

He stands up, pulling me up with him, " Let's go get breakfast. It's the third so let's not go out." I can see actual fear in his eyes, just imagining the crowds. I nod, following him downstairs. When we get there once again a lovely breakfast has been set out, the same as yesterday, but adding pancakes and Canadian maple syrup. I look at it.

"Is Matthew coming over?" I ask curiously

He smiles, "Nope, not till the fourth."

I wonder what that look in his eyes is about, instead of asking I instead ask, "So what about the others aren't they supposed to be coming over today?" he frowns lightly, nodding.

I look at him frowning, "What's wrong, they're all here to support you, you gained freedom became your own self run country."

He just frowns harder, before pulling me into a hug. He starts,

"Iggy, I have something tell you but before I do let me tell you I'm not even sure what I mean or how I'm feeling."

I let out a small quick breath, saying carefully, "Okay."

He puts his hand under my chin, so I'll look up at him, connecting their foreheads whispering intimately to the slightly older, shorter man, "I've been feeling weird about you for awhile now, you keep catching my eye, I get jealous over people that you look close with. I- I keep having dreams about you…" he blushes before continuing,

"I think I'm in love with you." I gasp, pulling back from the younger man, extremely flushed in the face. I start panicking,

"Wha- No, honey you must just be confused, I wasn't the best guardian and now you just want to express affection now that we're on a more even playing field and in a better place." I say totally in denial- because this can't be happening… It's impossible and we're just turning our feelings into something that seems like an easy explanation.

I say, "I mean, you even said you weren't-" I'm cut off by rough warm lips on my own, I sag into the kiss, while internally screaming at my traitorous body. This time he pulls away, seemingly surprised, he asks more than states,

"You kissed back?" I blush… looking down at the ground, replying, "I might be in the same situation you're in."

He stutters saying, "I do-doubt you've had the dr-dreams I have." My face is the color of the blood invading it, as I tell him "Maybe, it depends on what yours were about."

I look up to him for an answer his face a similar colour to mine but I also notice him biting his lips, I suck in a breath knowing they'd been having the same kind of dreams, I put my hands over my face. Standing up I run outside and down the street I don't know where I'm going but I know I can't do this right now.


	5. Alfred- What!

As I'm running down the road in my pants and a v-neck, I start to realize that not only is this a very immature way to go about dealing with a situation but I'm also breaking the promise I made to myself, as I turn to go back, I find arms around my waist and I'm up on someone's shoulder being taken back the way I'd come from. I can feel anger radiating off them in waves, I go limp, until I'm placed back onto the ground in America's yard, I look up quite surprised to find myself looking at my other little brother Matthew.

He growls out, "Why'd you just run, I found Alfred crying about something, don't tell me that you told him-" I cut him off,

"I haven't but if you keep shouting about it he'll know soon, we just- uhm-we" I blushed starting to stutter trying to explain the the boy I raised the situation I was into with his brother, whom I also raised.

I clear my throat, starting to speak but I'm cut off by an American jumping on top of me, I blush as I'm pinned to the ground. As he leans down to kiss me I push him off roughly, I start scolding,

"For god's sake, I've already hurt you by running and you're still trying without even knowing how I feel?"

He looks like he's about to cry, "I just, I was so worried and your blush is so cute I can't help myself." I blush harder, I turn to Matthew who looks completely and utterly confused.

"He says he's in love with me." I shrug trying not to smile at the thought and I see Matthew frown, "But we planned the party and…. Alfred, now we're gonna have to tell everyone you ruined it." America smiles embarrassedly,

"Sorry Mattie, but do you know how hard it is to resist your crush sleeping next to you and then them staying dressed like this half the time?" His hand motioning to me for effect, I blush and look down. Seeing I am still in pants I run up stairs to at least put on some shorts.

I hear Alfred call after me and Canada just walks toward the guest house. I lock the door, before I take off my sleep clothes and put on a g-string and some tight ripped skinny jeans that accentuate the curves of my hips. I then put on a super loose cotton sweater that falls off one shoulder, before he can knock I open the door, he comes crashing in down on top of me, like one of those classic moments, only instead of just staring I pull him down, on me and start whispering in his ear,

"If this is another dream I don't know whether I'll be glad, because I've done this in an extremely wrong way or cry because I haven't masturbated in a week and this is the fourth dream and-" I'm cut off by a very realistic feeling pair of lips on mine and a rather large hand run up my side under my sweater, I moan raggedly into the rough kiss.

As he pulls back from me he asks, "Wanna make a dream come true?"

My eyes widen I freeze, "Oh bloody, always my luck, I can't ever just have one thing go right for- Ha!" I gasp as his hand grips my dick through my tight jeans, he rubs the material against me till I whimper.

I move away from him, "Don't tease me, I just- God, I didn't want to have- I just- I ran! I wasn't running away from you I just didn't want to know if you were joking me and gods you have been the entire time haven't you?"

I start to cry as I back into a corner and I curl in on myself as his figure rushes toward me I start to cry harder, I feel big strong arms carefully wrap around me, he whispers,

"Artie, what's wrong? I'm sorry I shouldn't have forced you into anything… Could you ever forgive me?" at this point I'm just sniffling, I ask,

"What are you on about, I'm the one who made you feel like you had to do something, cause who could want me?" I feel the arms around me tighten.

"Who made you feel that way, Arthur, look at me." I do, seeing as he used my full name and he never does that unless deathly serious.

He grabs my chin, so I can't turn away my head, "I love you, I've been dying to tell you how much you affect me, but honey don't just listen to words here." he takes his other hand grabbing mine, placing it on the outside of his pants, the thin fabric not covering the hard, hot cock under it. I whimper in a much more pleased way this time, I dare myself, reaching into the shorts, grabbing the length tight, giving it a rough pump.

I register a gasp before I pull my hand out of his pants, "I'm sorry- I Alli was right- I -." I'm cut off with a slight glare,

Alfred asks unceremoniously, "Uncle Scot was right about what now?" I curl up a little again, this time he picks me up moving me to the bed, when he moves to go I let out the smallest noise of distress, he turns back, just looking at me.

I feel myself try and curl up only exposing more of my thin pale torso, as the sweater rode up on my stomach and fell off my shoulder. I hear him suck in a breath, I notice my legs are still wide open and blush heavily, bringing them together and up. He asks again,

"What was Allistor right about?" I curl up even furthur, I feel his hand on my shoulder, I start to cry again, "He said, that everyone else would be disgusted with me, you would be taken. But that didn't even have to happen! You left on your own, and he was right the only other person I loved this way besides him, and it's you! I'm worthless, gross, I mean for fuck's sake, I raised you I may only be a few years older but I raised you!" I was on my back limbs splayed with thrown out rage.

I feel the bed shift and he's over me, "I left because I - I started having dreams Artie, about you and me and they were, god they were hot, but other dreams, my people were hurting you. I couldn't let that happen." I look at him for a moment,

"Allistor told me I was worthless to others, that he was only one that could and would pleasure me, and love me." I shiver at the rage I see resting under the surface of his gaze, I know it's not at me though and I'm quite surprised to find him grinding down onto me.

"Alfred- please, ah ohh- Alfie! WHY are you- Ah- gods-" I can't handle myself anymore as his hands, one comes up to play with my overly sensitive nipples, the other to my guitar tattoo wondering how he figured out what it was for me, gently poking, caressing and pinching it, I feel my whole body pulse.

I take in a deep breath, releasing a deep moan, "Oh god, Alfred, w- what are you do- ing!" I blush as I can't get out a sentence at this point, I feel his mouth move down, hot breath on my hip, I quickly pull away, "Can we talk for a minute? Please, this is too much!"

I breath for a moment, feeling his eyes on me, I take a deep breath,

"I like you, and I've had some dreams about us, and I just want to- god, I'm so fucking horny, but I wanted to take things slow and not make this about sex!" I'm screaming in frustration by the end.

I see Alfred blush a little at the fact I'm admitting that one: I want sex, and two: I don't just want sex. I see him run a hand through his hair starting,

"Sorry, but damn Arthur, do you know how good you look in all those clothes… or my brain wondering what you'd look like without them is doing to me? I thought I was horny before you came over but damn, and then I haven't exactly had time to help myself. - And then you start talking bout Scottie and how he said things, while I have you writhing under me proving him wrong- I just" I see him shudder, "- I just need you to let me get myself off or something, because I'm dying here."

I blush, crawling toward him, I cough a little, "I - I can help you with that if you want…." I blush as I see his length twitch, he lays back on his back, spreading his legs, his 'boxers' long gone.

I start, leaning over him, kissing his jaw, leaving a lick here and there, as I skip over most of his torso, I nip at his right hip bone, before nibbling down his v-line. As I come to the base I wrap my tongue around him, more of a cradle for his dick then a wrap. I close my lips over the sensitive head smirking slightly at his panting noises. I tease the slit with the tip of my tongue, making him whimper.

I place my hand on the base pumping a little to have a grip on the limb. Bobbing my head down, I hum while sucking making Alfred suck in a breath. Moving my other hand down to my pants palming my throbbing length. I feel hands move into my hair pulling my face away from the pulsing cock and into loving, hungry lips.

"Alfred, is something wrong?" I ask slightly worried.

He smiles up at me, "Only you being such a hot tease." I blush as I see him eyeing my hand through my pants.

I freeze as he pulls at the waistband of them, "Can I just- I want to please you."

I lean back down, nipping at the side of his head before kissing the very tip, I bring him all the way into to my mouth swallowing, bringing my head back and repeating until Alfred minutes later starts thrusting into my mouth, farther down my throat, when he cums I'm quite pleasantly surprised I don't gag, I swallow the warm seed releasing him with a pop.

He pulls me into his chest, relaxing into the bed, "Let's talk in the morning." I agree, "Okay."

Hey guys, sorry it's been a bit, I'm super busy with my College work and only get a chance like once a month to update. I haven't given up on this story and I have more ideas for other stories but it might take awhile to get to. Anyway hope you enjoyed-

Obsessed


	6. Party! Spin the WHAT!

**(Forgive me for the Scottish accent, I couldn't bring myself to leave it out and forgive me for any hard to understand sentences or any really stupid spellings…. Hope you enjoy the new chapter, I've been so busy with my classes and then I've been put on a few different antidepressants that weren't right they're about to try moodstablizers and a different antidepressant… Anyway happy Thanksgiving to anyone in the states and happy harvest for anyone whose having that time of year. P.S. I'm naming Allistor's name to Alasdair in my fic because it's the more traditional Scot spelling as far as it's Scottish Gaelic.)**

We wake up to knocking on the door.

"Who's that?" I furrow my brow.

Alfred frowns slightly, "I don't know."

I watch him get up and walk to the door, when he opens it he is engulfed in a hug. My eyebrows shoot to my hairline when I see who is hugging him….. Matthew, that's not the surprising part, that is because Matthew looks like he's seen a ghost.

I ask, "Matthew, what's wrong?"

Before he can answer a voice sounds, "He saw me, laddie."

My head snaps to my older brother in the doorway, I scoff, "No wonder, you were almost as shitty of an uncle as you were a brother."

He laughs at me, his eyes glued to my body, "I see, yer bein' a piss poor exampl' as alwies aren't ye Art?" I shiver in revulsion.

Alfred noticing says, "Don't look at him like that," he moves his body to block mine from Alasdair's view. My brother just smirked, deciding to wait until later to have his time with me. The thought made me pull Alfred back onto my front for comfort, I felt the young nation relax and hold my hands in place.

Alasdair smiled brightly, "Aww Artie, ye finally came onti the boy. How'd 'e take it? Did ye see how right I was?" I felt myself tense at the same time America turned in my arms.

He looked at me, lifting my face by the jaw up to his. "Don't let uncle Scot get into your head, I came after you. Remember? You didn't want me to be uncomfortable even after I told you I wanted you."

He looks back at Alasdair, "You're just mad you didn't get him because you know how amazing he is and what you're missing out on."

My brother stiffens, "I'll have ye know, I know exactly what 'm 'missing out on', ain't that right Artie?" He puts the missing out on in air quotes, winking after the question.

I close my eyes, gathering strength. "Alli, all my life you've tormented me. You think that _relationship_ was any different? Well by now you must have really drank all your brain cells away! By God! You were abusive as a brother and even more so as a partner, I wish luck to whatever poor soul falls for you, seeing as you don't have one!" No one is fooled by all I just said and revealed… My voice cracked on the last word and tears were rolling down my face before I finished saying his name.

I'm quite shocked to find not Alfred but Matthew pushing a sad looking Alasdair out the door, while Alfred tries to keep a neutral face.

"So, was you worrying you were gonna do to me what he did to you the reason you didn't want to do this? You don't have to answer as I can imagine a few other possibilities, I just want you to know that what was done to you was wrong and I'll be damned if it happens to any of us again." Alfred said giving me my space, which is why it surprised him so much when I walked forward, grabbed his face, and kissed him like a man starved.

My lips first moving against his, not harshly but none too gently either. I was trying to tell him without words that I loved him, I didn't know how to show him other than this way so I put all the emotions I'd felt in the last few minutes. The anger, pain, fear, and love into one mouth watering kiss. When I felt his lips open under mine, I took more control, him not fighting me for it for once.

We pulled apart when we heard Matt clear his throat, I went over to him and pulled him into a bone crushing hug. "I love you, I'm so sorry all of this is happening but I'm going to make sure he can't hurt you like he did me… okay?"

He hugs me tightly, "I love you too, don't worry too much for me though. I just want you and Alfred to be happy, I'll find my own person and we'll take care of Uncle Scot okay?" When I sniff Alfred comes up behind us and puts his arms around both of us.

I laugh a bit bitterly, "Well he was right about one thing.. You both have always been a lot better at comforting me than I've been at comforting you." They squeeze me tighter, whispering 'sshhhs' shaking their heads like it isn't true.

I pull back, tears dried now. "Isn't the party about to start?"

"Alfred, it's your 242nd birthday we have to get to your party. I'm fine and everyone's come to see you so lets go." I fuss only a little knowing they're worried about me.

I smile, "Besides if we don't get out there in time, only God knows what Francis will tell everyone we're doing." At that both Matt's and Al's eyes widened, I was pulled out the door and down the stairs by his hand.

"Time to PARTAY!" he screams with a blush on his face.

We get to the guest house and find the Axis, allies, Nordics, and everyone else gathered in a circle. "Sup' DUDES?! What game we starting with?" Alfred greets them with his normal grandiose attitude.

Francis smiles, "A minute later and I would've had some lovely stories to tell the group." I pale a little, he starts again, "As for the game we're starting, spin the bottle." Mine and Alfred's faces paled, France still talking, "Since you know so many of us are single and even if we aren't it's just a kiss no big deal." Alfred looks like he could strangle Francis right now and I'm feeling about the same.

We awkwardly sit on opposite sides of the circle knowing that if we don't it would be nearly impossible to get one another when spinning. France, being the one who suggested the game gets to spin first, when it stops I feel like I could pass out. The mouth of the bottle is pointing at Alfred and his face is white.

Francis rolls his eyes, walks over and pecks America on the lips, "You all really thought I would make out with my son? Moi? Non. I just like messing with everyone." He sits down and since Alfred was the one who was kissed that means it's his turn to spin, the bottle stops, I look up and my face goes white.

Alasdair, whom the bottle landed on. Was already up and in America's face, "Let's get this over with Lad." leaning in I calm down, it'll be another quick kiss.

But Scotland holds America's face in place nibbling on his closed lips, forcing him into an intense kiss. When he pulls away, America looks ready to punch him, he quickly sits back down.

He spins the bottle and this time it lands on Ukraine, this time he pales, knowing if he goes too far he'll have an angry Russian on his case. He moves up to the blushing girl, picks up her hand, and places a gentle kiss on it before returning to his seat.

She smiles nervously, spinning the bottle. She smiles when it lands on Hungary. "Yay, I can do this one." She walks over to the girl her boobs bouncing every step of the way , and pulls Hungary into a sensual, deep kiss. Everyone is shocked her brother, Russia just looks pleased it wasn't some perv he would have to take care of.

When she sits back down, Hungary holds a hand to her mouth, blushing violently. Austria beside her says, "Gather yourself, it's just a game."

When Liz spins the bottle it lands on North Italy, she walks up to the flirty Italian, leans over and pecks his cheek, "I love you, but I'm not kissing you for anyone, I'm practically your big sister."

Italy 'veh's and spins the bottle, he blushes slightly when it lands on Romano, his older southern brother. As he gets up and walks over to him, the southern Italian rolls his eyes and pulls his fratello's face to his. You hear a few gasps and whistles as the two several confuse for twins share a hot kiss. When Romano pulls back they are both panting slightly and they both sit back down.

Romano grumbles while spinning the bottle, it slows and lands on… His eyes widen, "Potato bastard!?" He's blushing brightly, "Diavolo, no! Nope, not happening…" in his rambling he doesn't notice Germany walking up to him, pink in the face, the blond lifts his chin and starts gently kissing him. Gasps are heard when Romano relaxes into the kiss, gripping the Germans hair bringing him closer. It's only when they realise how they're reacting to each other they pull back embarrassedly.

As Germany sits down, his bottle stops on Canada and the Northern nation has slightly wide eyes, "H-hi Germany."

Germany meets the tall blond nation in the middle of the room, and gives him a sweet long kiss, not as deep or hot as his and the Southern Italian's but still enough to make a few nations jealous. When Matthew spins the bottle he finds it facing his father, not Papa France, but England.

Considering how France treated that type of situation at the beginning of the game everyone was quite shocked when Canada wrapped his arms around his brother's neck and harshly attacked his lips, he bit and licked and sucked and everyone was not shocked to see when he pulled back England's lips were kiss swollen. Though everyone blinked at the dangerous aura floating off the happy go lucky American.

England's turn follows up with a rather awkward kiss to Austria, who ends up kissing Switzerland. When Switzy's turn ends its with a rather rough kiss from Russia. Russia kisses Norway, Norway rubs off Japan's lips. Japan gets tongued by Prussia, who then molests China. China unravels Iceland and Iceland seduces Denmark. Denmark pecks Sweden and Sweden kisses his 'wife'. The baltics and a few others couldn't make it and everyone there had been kissed at least once so the game was over.

"One more game then cake…. What do we wanna play?" Asks America, it's his party and I'm still upset at having to not kiss him, when can we just tell everyone?


	7. Truth or Dare

"Okay, what game you guys wanna play?" America asks the group.

Russia speaks up, "I was thinking, the truth or dare game, da?" some of the nations started complaining.

"That's a kid's game."

I roll my eyes, "Then we'll play the r18 version." I hear some whistles, I ignore them,

"Alfred, it's your party- you go first."

He blushes lightly, "Um," he turns to Francis, "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." His 'brother' replies innocently

"Who was your first one night stand?" I ask, imagining one of the countries,

France responds quickly, "King Louis XVI." Not making eye contact with anyone. He turns to China.

"Truth or dare?"

China, nervous responds, "Truth?" more of a question than an answer.

France smirks, "Who would you fuck, marry, kill out of the countries?"

China blushes, "Kill Yong Soo, marry… uh Russia we'd be a good power couple, and fuck, America." He is now blushing a dark color and I look at America to see him shocked.

I chuckle, "America surprised? I don't see why, China isn't the only one who has noticed your looks." I refrain from blushing, but notice the rest of the countries looking at me smirking, America is now bright red. China realizes it's still his turn to ask someone.

"Russia, truth or dare?"

"Dare." Russia says smiling.

"I dare you to- suck America's cowlick." America's face has paled slightly.

Russia walks over to his old friend, and well enemy quite cautiously, leans down and carefully closes his mouth over Alfred's cowlick. At this point, Alfred is bright red and his eyes are pleading to me for help. When we see Russia do a small, slow confused sucking motion on the hair, America's eyes roll back, a soft moan coming out. Russia's eyes widen, as do all of ours, he gives another experimental suck. Pulling back with a yelp as America shoves him away.

"Dude, why-huff- didn't you stop after the first time?" Alfred asks, I can see the Italies and Canada blushing in sympathy with their hands blocking their curls. I look on in fascination.

Russia blushes, "I wanted to see if it was the hair doing that… It's strange so it made me curious sorry, Amerika." he turns to Feliciano,

"Truth or dare?" N. Italy responds,

"Dare." Russia Smiles.

"Kiss Japan, while grinding on Germany." Italy blushes, as do I… _This will be fun to see_ … I think to myself, I walk over to Alfred, grabbing his hand preparing to watch the first of the dirtier dares _if you exclude Alfred's cowlick being messed with that is_ , I think to myself again. Italy walks a few steps to where Germany is sitting with a blush, he sits down and lets Japan come straddle him.

He smiles nervously, "Anything for the game right guys?" they nod, also blushing. When Feli gently pulls Kiku's face to his for them to kiss, he holds Japan by the hip, holding him against him while he slowly starts to grind against their german friend. After about a minute of this, them all getting more and more into their actions. They release each other and sit down, each with an identical blush.

Italy says, "Roma, truth or dare?"

"Truth." Says the older Italian.

"Who did you think about the first time you masturbated?" Italy asks, smirking.

Romano bites his lip, "What if there isn't one answer?" he asks curious.

Italy blushes, "Then say all of them."

Romano closes his eyes, "Tomato bastard and stupid little brother." I gasp, quietly.

Romano turns to us noticing, "Truth or dare?" I point at myself and he nods.

I sigh, "Dare."

He smiles, "I dare you make out with American bastard like you've been wanting to for years now."

I blush, but before I can say anything I'm spun around. I look up at Alfred, used to him being taller than me now. I suck in a quick breath when I see the look in his eyes. I pull his face down to mine and his hands go to my hips, hold me against him. I tease his lips open and gasp when he picks me up. Our mouths try to communicate how desperate we are to be together, and I pull back.

"That's enough Alfred." I turn to everyone else watching in silence.

"Let's get cake."


	8. I Love You

As Alfred passes out pieces of his birthday cake to everyone, I can't help but smile about the fact the inside of the cake is rainbow. As my gaze switches to his face, I quickly lower it as I see he was looking at me, sending a shiver down my spine.

He calls, "Hey Iggy, everyone else got cake. You want some?"

I blush in spite of myself and try to collect myself while walking over. When I reach the tall blond, I can see him smiling down at me, a piece of cake on a fork aiming for my face.

"What are you doing?" I half whisper, though not intending to.

Instead of answering me, he instead puts the fork to my face indicating he wants to feed me. While blushing I open my mouth slightly and quiver as the fork goes into my mouth. I bite on the cake and he retracts the fork somewhat slowly, what I was not expecting was when he next leans down to me and starts kissing me in front of everyone, I can hear it get quiet.

But his lips… I'm so caught up in him, I ignore the silence around us and pull him closer to me. I hear cheers as I feel Alfred wind his hands in my hair and mine are tucked around his neck. The cake long gone, I start to remember this is his birthday party, and he is technically my son. I pull back, gently and grab his hand. _Later_. I think.

His face is red but he still manages a whine, "Iggy, why'd you stop?"

And now, my eyes urge him to look around, he sighs.

Getting up from beside me he says, "Guys, stop looking so surprised, wasn't the whole point if this party supposed to be about me at least kissing him? Why are you all so shocked?"

He gets an answer from France, of all people, "Amerique, we all knew you had feelings for Angleterre, but not many of us- if any- were aware your sentiment was returned that's all. As for myself, I am curious to if this whole elaborate plot you had will still be necessary or if you two would prefer to be left alone."

I blush, looking to Alfred, "Plot?"

He looks embarrassed, "Well you see, even though it's my birthday, we- well I used the setup to plan a long stunt that would make you fall in love with me by the end of it, but then I brought you over early and you kinda know the rest."

Returning to my normal colour, I note, "There's one flaw in your plan."

He asks me, "And what would that be?"

I smile, "I already am in love with you."

There was a small smile on his lips when I kissed him after that and I tuned out the sounds of the other countries laughs and cheers. _Looks like there won't be as many problems as I thought._ I was so happy, I didn't even notice the fireworks until I was pulled into a flashback.

I couldn't tell what year it was, or even where we were at. It's was a small battle as far as compared to the war, the gunshots from muskets ring in my ears, the smell of blood and rotting flesh on the battlefield. I could hear and feel my men crying out for help, my help. I didn't know where either of my sons were. Just that I hoped they were safe. While I was sad my son wanted to leave me, I didn't want to hurt him like this, never like this. But orders are orders. Just as I knelt to reload my musket, I felt someone shaking my arm.

My eyebrows knit together, "What's wrong." I ask the group standing around me.

Then it hits me. Standing.

"Shit, did I black out again?" I ask those standing around me.

I look at Alfred and seeing his worried face I tell him,

"I'll explain later."

He looks like he wants to argue, but for right now I explain,

"I have PTSD, fireworks so happen to be a trigger. Really I'm fine."

Everyone nods, clearing out. Alfred on the other hand picks me up bridal style and takes me back to his house, laying me on the bed.

Before I can get a word out, "I canceled the rest of the party, I told everyone they could stay at the guest house since preparations were done, but we needed to be left alone."

I nod beginning, "Alfred, I do want to tell you what is going on and I will but first I have some conditions."

"What kind of conditions?" he sounds curious, thoughtful.

"I need you to promise me, that you one, won't think differently of me."

He blinks, nodding, "Of course."

I continue, "Two, you won't blame yourself, your past leaders, myself, or my past leaders for any of what I'm going to tell you."

His head cocks to the side but still he answers, "Okay, anything else?"

I hold my breath asking the last part, "Don't judge me?"

He grabs my hand, running a thumb across my knuckles, "You know I won't, I love you Arthur."

Tears spill from my eyes as I begin to recount my side of his childhood,

"It started, of course with that damn Italian, Columbus. The queen of Spain hired him, you understand this part of the story yes?"

He nods, I take a breath,

"Well once the Nordics, as they decided to sail more at this time, found it it wasn't India as Columbus had thought, but a new land. Finland himself found you, and told me about you and it sent us European countries into a tizzy fighting over you. One day, Finland took me to meet you and France, but when I saw you. I knew you would change my life, you were my beautiful little boy."

He smiles asking, "Not that this isn't lovely but what does it have to do with your PTSD?"

I sigh, "We'll get there, it's a lot to explain."

I think, "Now where were we? Ah, I brought you home, though others were also colonizing you. France was about to discover Matthew and you started having nightmares, your whole childhood I felt like your father and your older brother, it's when you hit puberty that things started changing. And while I was only a few years older than you physically and mentally I was much older as far as countries go. Once we countries hit our young adult years we age much slower."

He asks at my pause, "So, things changed _how_ when I hit puberty, you said they changed, but not how."

I blush, "Well, um, you have to understand I was still in the middle of puberty myself, but my feelings for you started changing, instead of feeling protective in a way like a father or brother should, I felt it more in the way a- lover would. I tried to go back and ignore the feelings, and dreams and I really tried and as I felt more and more wrongly for you, my bosses made you hate me more and more. When the revolution came, I almost didn't fight you. I didn't have the right to say that I could keep you safer while my mind was where it was at. I'd been in other battles, other wars, but none hurt me as much as the revolution, stemming from the fact it was about you. My flashbacks, the ones I always pass out over are about different battles I've fought in. They don't always need to be triggered but fireworks always trigger them because they sound so much like the differently timed gunshots. That's it, that's why and I truly hope you aren't disgusted with me."

I keep my head down, my eyes burn though my voice never cracked. He lets go of my shaking hand, and lifts my chin.

He whispers, "And I'm supposed to be the dumb one."

A tear runs down my face, he kisses it gently.

"Arthur, I love you, I've been in love with you from the moment I met you. It's okay that you started to feel that way and it would've been weird if you felt it sooner than you did, but you didn't. I never, not once ever hated you, so get that idea out of your head right now. I'm so sorry that you have PTSD because of that awful time. But I'm here to help you cope now."

I smile, sniffling I admit, "I'm relieved and thank you, but I'm tired, can we talk more tomorrow?"

He smiles at me, "Of course, my darling."

He lays down and I lay back, curling into his arms. I close my eyes and welcome the quite darkness.


	9. You're Sorry! Don't make me laugh!

I woke up realizing that for once- I didn't dream. _Weird._ I thought to myself, I snuggled into Alfred's warm embrace, sighing in content. I wished the moment would never end- which of course meant it had to end that second. I jolted up in the bed along with Alfred, hearing a fist pounding on the door.

"Open up ye door! I'v te speak wit Art!" We hear a distinctly Scottish voice yell, I recoil in spite of myself and Alfred squeezes my hand. When Alfred opens the door and I smell the whiskey I know this won't end well.

Alasdair smiles, "Art- come 'ere so ay can give ye a hug!"

My eyes widen and I try to back away from my drunk elder brother, but it's too late his arms are around me and I'm blacking out-

His hands are on my body, under my clothes his voice is telling me how much he enjoys doing this to me even as I feel tears running down my face. I hear him telling me how no one will ever love me like he does and how disgusting I am- but I'm lucky because he loves me anyway. I start trying to push him off of me- I'm screaming for him to get away from me-

And suddenly I'm back in Alfred's room, fully clothed and Alfred has my drunk brother pinned to the floor while looking at me, concerned.

I start speaking without thinking, "Shit, what did I say? Wh- what happened?"

Alasdair -whom is now passed out on the floor- stays down, as Alfred picks me up off the floor and he sits down on the bed cradling me.

He looks me in the eye, "You started screaming for Scot to get away from you when he tried to hug you. You sounded so scared Arthur- I wanted to kill him, but he passed out the second I got him away from you. Why are you so afraid of your older brother?" He's so concerned for me- would he still want to touch me like this if he knew what happened? Would he still care? Why can't I ever just trust someone? Why can't anything ever go right for me?

I start crying, my head in Alfred's chest, his grip tightening protectively on me. I try to calm myself down enough to speak but I can't- I don't know how to explain to him my older brother abused me for so many years. He tore me down first mentally, then added in the beatings- which quickly led to him 'making them better' and thoroughly ruining my mind- well if I had one to begin with.

In my haze I don't notice my brother waking up- when his hand touches me, I curl in on myself whimpering. Those hands, the ones that beat me until I was bruised and bloody just to turn around and violate me in a different way.

My thoughts stop as Alfred nearly growls at Scotland, "Don't touch him- Don't you see what you're doing to him?!"

Alasdair retracts his hand like he'd been burned, he starts sobbing- my mind blanks- I don't remember the last time my older brother cried, better yet these broken sounding sobs.

It's difficult to understand but through the sobs I can hear him saying, "I'm sorry Art. I'm so, so sorry, sorry. I'm sorry…" I want to start crying. I crawl away from him and behind America, pissed off and still scared.

I scoff, "YOU'RE SORRY!? You don't know the meaning of the goddamned word. You think after everything you did to me you could just say SORRY?!" Tears are streaming down my face.

Alfred not knowing what's happening but realising my brother and I need to talk, sits still, acting as guard. As my brother starts sobbing harder due to my words I start laughing.

"It doesn't feel so good does it? I'd sob harder than you would asking- NO! Begging you to stop, to leave me alone- But did you?! Did you ever stop to think about anything other than yourself and your dick?" I ask him mockingly, Alfred stiffens and I know I'll have to explain to him later.

I turn to Alfred my eyes pleading, "Please get him away from me. I'll explain but I don't want him near me."

Alfred nods, dragging my brother -who now seems to be sober for once- away from me and out of the room.

Leaving me to my thoughts, _Those tears were real. You can't fake the pain he seemed to be in from what he did to me…. But is it because he's sorry or is it because he lost his chew toy? If he does mean it- and that's a major if- should I forgive him? Just because I'll forgive him doesn't mean I'll forget, and I'm not giving up Alfred for anything. But can I give my brother another chance? A chance to be my brother? Of course I'll have to talk to Alfred about everything first. And Alasdair wouldn't be able to drink around me- I wouldn't be able to handle it. And- Wait a fucking second! Why am I so quick to forgive him?! I don't even know if he was telling the truth at this point._

My thoughts are cut off as Alfred re-enters the room asking, "What was all of that about?" I close my eyes, sighing, "You better sit down, this story is going to be a long one."

But right before I launch into the story of mine and Scotland's childhood, I remember that there's a spell that will let us travel through my memories. I run out of the room, America calling after me, grabbing to few herbs I need to make a charm to bring Alfred with me, I go back into the room he stares….

"What the hell was that about?" He asks a bit worried and irritated.

I say, "This." and the room fades to black.


	10. He was

I see the confusion on Alfred's face as he took in the fact I was there and that we were inside my memories. We were home, when momma and papa were still around. Britanna and Celt, the most powerful couple to ever enchant the seven seas. And while Alfred and I could see each other, none of the people in the memory could.

Alfred was clearly shocked to see Scotland and I running around playing like normal siblings, "Come on Alli! I want to go to the lock before supper!" My small form cried to his brother, I was five and he was eight in the memory.

"Alry, alry quit yer yappin an come on then." But the ginger nation was smiling, a smile America had never seen from his uncle before.

He frowns asking me, "What happened? He used to be so happy, and you guys never get along now."

I sigh explaining, "Well for one, mom and dad died, and for another the legion of Rome that took us over- they abused him terribly."

As I finished the words, we zoomed through more of my memories, passing a few decades, and then slowing. This memory featured a teenage Alasdair, protectecting a now 12 year old me from a legion of soilders dressed in SPQR armor, shields and swords drawn. Me in my memory ran when the Scot told him to. He didn't notice them shoving his brother to the ground, he was too busy making sure he followed orders.

As a few days in memories pass us in a few seconds, we see Scotland being taken to a camp, a camp where the Romans were living as they moved, moving into my and Scotland's land. They burned our villages and raped our people, telling them they could convert or die- and they did. I held Alfred's hand as we both cried, seeing what all of this was doing to me and Alasdair had torture on top of it.

We got to look in from a bird's view on his torture sessions, seeing him- mostly naked, starving, covered in fresh and healing brusies and blood. Teeth clenched together in response to their questions about my whereabouts. When they got out a knife and started carving his chest- I fell to my knees, sobbing. I'd seen- and felt those scars… he got them from keeping me safe? _Then why?! Why the hell would he do all of those things to me?! He always stayed drunk, and graduated from just brusing me rather quickly…_

I flinch at the look of shock I get, forgetting that in this spell- we can communicate through thoughts.

 _Why the fuck didn't you say SOMETHING ARTHUR!? I could've made him leave!_ he yells in thought.

I frown, _How could I make him leave when he also did all of this for me?!_

He grabs me by the shoulders, _Arthur- do you really think that I could ever forgive someone who's hurt you so badly?! I don't care if they saved you a million times, you can't do that to people, and Arthur, I love you too much to let that happen._ His voice is cracking by the end and more tears well up in my eyes. I let the memories change to the ones of after… the reason I'm so afraid of my older brothers.

I walk through the door on my '15th birthday' to see a smashed whiskey bottle on the floor, before I can do anything, I'm pressed against a wall, Ireland in my face saying something about how I was too pretty to be such a good fighter, I had fresh brusies on my stomach from Scotland for the day before. -Speaking of the brute, he sees the way Seamus has me, and tells him to step down and that he'd 'take care of it'.

For once in a long time I wanted to hug my brother, but before I get to thank him, he has me over his shoulder, marching to my room. Since it was the beginning of the 1700s, clothes were still modest, but I had a long linen shirt functioning as a tunic. When he opened the door to my room and laid me down on the bed pinning me down, my mind started to struggle- knowing Alfred was going to see this made me start crying harder next to him.

Alasdair reached a hand under my tunic, running it lightly over the brusies he'd given me- he was an adult, I asked what he was doing… he forced his mouth to mine and my eyes flew wide. I froze- too terrified to try and move. When he ripped the tunic apart, I was left in front of him- vulnerable and he looked -strange-... almost like he was in pain that he was doing what he was doing but he also looked pleased- immensely pleased to see my developing body. Alfred was holding his breath, both at my battered teenage body and the understanding of some of Scotland's comments and my own.

Alasdair didn't start with himself, no- he had to make sure I at least got physical pleasure out of it. He started nipping at my nipples lightly, tears running down my face, I knew from my memories I had blackedout at that point. When he saw my young cock hadn't risen he went for that, surprisingly gentle for the man constantly leaving me injured. After he was satisfied at my body's hormones responding to stimulation, he sat, straddling my thighs and reached under his own tunic, moaning the second his hand made contact with the prick that controlled him.

I knew he was drunk because he smelled like alcohol, but this was different from normal, he was more desperate, longing. It made me sick now and leaves me sad now. When the next memory showed me I was 17, I was making out with Ireland, leaving America shocked- after all he'd been under my care at the time. Nonetheless, I was a hormonal teen and I'd rather have this brother willingly than forced and scared with the elder.

A moment after Sea groped my ass, there was Alasdair. He threw Ireland to the ground and started beating him senslessly- when I tried to break up the fight. I got hit- hard, my nose broke that day. I had to do a healing spell so Alfred wouldn't notice. The only thing that stopped them was when my slightly older brother Dylan entered the scene, he knew how to calm them both down, but Scotland wasn't done with me.

This time, he ripped a hole in the ass of my trousers, and forced himself into me- I cried out in pain and tears were leaking out of my eyes. He didn't wait either, he was yelling at me the whole time that I'd acted like a whore so he'd treat me like one. I could see Alfred crying and clenching his fists. After he released in me, he held me. I had already passed out a few minutes ago, unaware of the tender whispers of how much he loved me as I slept. Alfred looked at me frowning now, _Have you ever gotten a therapist to evaluate him?_

I hadn't… I didn't think to, but between his subtance abuse and the trama of his past having a health issue form was quite likely- all the subatance abuse ould make him more unstable too. As I came to the conclusion the memories faded.


	11. The End

I started doing research, lots of research. I couldn't bring anyone else in on what this was all about. When you take away the alcohol, Scot isn't that bad really. Unstable sure, but a lot less harmless. The problem is, I can't tell if he's borderline and bipolar or just depressed. You see, figuring out that he's already borderline makes me have to think a lot harder about the times he was happy. Borderline personality disorder, the set of unstable patterns in relationships accompanied by a crushing sense of abandonment- which leads to the fear of that real and imagined abandonment.

In Alasdair's case, I understand, the torture, our parents dying, and so on and so forth. This causes borderline people to in classic cases like his, blow up at those who care about him and try to push them away before they can leave him. Now, while I've noticed his weeks and month long and longer periods of depression, he never has stayed sober long enough to have mania. So for now we'll have to treat him like he's depressed.

When I tell Alfred about all of this he's shocked,

"After all he put you through, you want to _personally_ help him recover?!"

I explain how if the other countries found out, it could in no way end up well for anyone. As I sat there, considering my options, drugs, therapy, and or rehab for both.

"SCOT!" I called.

He rushes in looking, well surprised.

"Yes?" he answers hesitantly.

I turn, "You, Alfred, and I are going to pack a bag, and we're going to go to a rehab center. We're going to help you, and life will go on. Got it?"

"Uh," I got from the two.

And that was the end of that.


End file.
